and then there was one...

I had u/s #2 today, and it was good news and bad news. The bad news is that baby #1 had a yolk sac but no fetal pole, so they are certain that it won’t make it. I asked if that was a blighted ovum, but they said those don’t usually have yolk sacs. So I guess this one just stopped developing at some point. #2 looks right on track sizewise, and had a yolk sac, fetal pole, and hb of 123, which they said was good. I am trying to stay positive, but feel like at the last u/s they both looked good. Now it’s one. Will it be none next time? I also have a bleed (SCH), which I’m scared to Google. The u/s tech made it seem like with my history I should really take it easy. The RE nurse said not to stress, that in her 6 years that none of her patients have ever miscarried b/c of an SCH. Of course, I realized later that she never sees anyone after about 8 or 9 weeks since they all get released back to their regular gynos. I’m not sure, but I think the SCH was what the last u/s tech saw and thought might be a 3rd sac. This tech just saw the 2 sacs plus the SCH, nothing else.

So we're just trying really hard to stay calm and positive until my ultrasound next week. I'll be so grateful if I have even one healthy pregnancy with my history, but I think I need a day or two to grieve the loss of the other pregnancy. Seeing it taken away so fast after looking just fine last week reminds me that it could happen to the remaining one too.

Oh, and I don't think I wrote about this, but a night or two after my post the nausea hit hard. No vomiting yet, but I feel really bad a lot of the time. It has been so reassuring. I never thought I'd be this happy to feel this bad!

it's a two-fer...

So we got our u/s Friday. It was 5 weeks 2 days since my IUI. Baby A was measuring 5 wks 1 day. Baby B was 5 weeks 2 days. Yes, it's twins!!! We're so excited, but so cautious since we're only seeing sacs at this point and I have a horrible track record with all of this. We're going back on the 29th, which should tell us more.

There was a 3rd thing that the u/s tech labeled "???? 3rd sac?", but my RE isn't convinced that it was actually a sac so we're just keeping an eye on it.

We were so shocked since we thought we only had 2 mature eggs with one on the bad tube side, but the tech said I had 1 or 2 others that probably caught up before the IUI.

I was over the moon happy on Friday. Today I'm trying to enjoy it, but already worried that real morning sickness hasn't kicked in yet. I just want some sign that this pg. is different and that these two will stick!

good beta #3

Our numbers almost doubled for beta #3, going from 445 to 875. We get our first ultrasound on Friday, just to confirm it's in the uterus. Fortunately, I'm not having the same kind of cramping I had with my ectopic, so that gives me hope about that. We're just taking it test by test still and trying not to think too far ahead.

bfp.....

Well, the results are in. I tested out my trigger, then started getting lines again over the weekend. We confirmed the BFP with betas on Monday and Wednesday this week, and so far so good. I go for beta #3 tomorrow.

It's so hard to know what to feel. This is my 4th pregnancy since January of this year alone. Part of me has so much faith that this will be the one. The other part hopes I just stay pregnant through the weekend since I have a baby shower to go to and it'll be way easier if I'm still pregnant. Loss definitely puts a weird spin on pregnancy. We're just hoping for the best.

no more stomach shots!

LAST STOMACH SHOT TONIGHT! I can't even tell you how excited I am. I went for blood and u/s this a.m. Left (good side) has an 18mm follie. Right side is 17.5. There are also a couple in the 12-14 range, I think.

The schedule is: one more stomach shot tonight (DONE!), trigger tomorrow evening, then IUI Wednesday morning.

I'm a little worried about too many of the smaller follies catching up before Wed. am (they grew a lot in the 3 days between friday and today), but am keeping my fingers crossed for the best. DH isn't sure he can give me my trigger, so I might see if they can do it at my clinic.

slightly stimulated

CD6 results are in.

I have one follie on the blocked tube side that is 11.5mm. There is a 10mm one on the good tube side. There are also some little 9mm guys, some of which might catch up.

I'd rather have 1 follie on the good tube side than have too many and have to cancel, so I'm happy with the results so far.

I'm going back Monday for another u/s, which I assume will give us a lot more info.

I'm just counting down the days until we are done with shots. Tonight is shot #4, so from what I understand it'll be 3-6 more after that.

#*@&@&#$

So I'm sitting here crying with my Follistim and I just can't make myself take the shot.

I have gotten pregnant on my own 6 times. What is this really going to do for me? I really am starting to feel like we've been through enough.

And WTF is with the side effects listed in the booklet? I know if the shoe was on the other foot there is no way DH would be taking the shots.

Maybe ART just isn't for us.