never try to pick up a waitress...

Back when my friends were single and bar regulars, the guys had a rule. Never try to pick up a waitress. She's heard every line out there, and she's not going to bite so don't waste your time.

I'm starting to think the same rule applies for fighting the insurance company. They've heard it all, and whatever you have to say won't sway them.

Basically, despite my age and blocked tube, the insurance company wants me to do "lesser before greater," which means 3 cycles of IUIs with drugs before they'll think about approving IVF.

Which shouldn't be a big deal, but my RE is recommending we start with Clomid and I'm scared to death of it. After I took BCPs for a month before my fibroid surgery a little over a year ago, I started getting migraines. The headaches I could deal with, but the weird visual problems I get for about 1/2 hour before the headaches start are tough: flashing lights, floating flashing squiggly lines that cause blind spots in my vision, it was all the pits. So after thinking I was having a stroke or something else serious (I didn't know much about migraines when this all started) I spent a lot of time making the rounds between my primary care doc, eye doc, and neurologist before they got it all sorted out and determined that yep, I'm getting migraines. I'm down to 1 or 2 a month now (the 2nd month after I went off the pill I had 4 in a week and thought I'd lose my mind), and have accepted them as an fact of life for me now. I'm grateful they aren't worse (I feel like crap for a couple days after I get one (my "migraine hangover"), but the pain isn't nearly as bad as what a lot of people have. Plus, I'm one of those fortunate people whose migraines seems to go away with pregnancy (at least they have with the two 8-week pregnancies and even the chemical pg. I've had since then.)

Now comes Clomid, and its possibility of weird visual side-effects. I talked to my neurologist this week to see if I'm more likely to get them because of my history, and he said "maybe" (helpful? not so much). He said the side effects are similar to what I get w/my migraines, and if I do have problems I can always stop taking it. Easy for him to say. I talked about the people whose vision problems are perymanent, and he said it's only about 1% so not to worry. That is fine, unless you are that 1%. And I've seen posts from that 1% online, and they scare the bejeepers out of me.

The neurologist said he could write a letter to my insurance co. if I want, saying that he advises against Clomid for me, but he didn't know if that would help. And I don't know if I want him to, because what if Clomid works? And what if I don't have problems tolerating it?.

So I have my appt.tomorrow a.m. for a CD 3 bloodwork/ultrasound so I can start the Clomid, and I don't even know if I'm going to go. Or if I do go, if I can make myself take it. And I've heard the mood part isn't great, hence the nickname Clo-mood. I'm already in a funk after having been laid off in August. And having 6 pregnancies in the last 2 1/2 years. I'm really not sure I can deal with being more moody than I already am right now. Really.

I made an appt. to talk to the shrink at RE #1's office next week. I've never met her, but am starting to feel like I need some help negotiating all this. I used to be a pretty upbeat person before all this, and I'm starting to not recognize myself anymore.